My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
