if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
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