In America we eat man semen.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize
