I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
