hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
