I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
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