You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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