she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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