so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
So much rum. So many feels.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
