do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
