she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
