ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Randomize
