How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize