i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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