Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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