I wanna bring you to show and tell
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
