Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Is that strawberry winking at me??
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
