Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
