he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
