I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
