one two three fourrrrnication!
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
