My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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