can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
