Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
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I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
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Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Your penis caused this!
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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