Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
