Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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