his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
