he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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