The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
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today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
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So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
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