i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
FUCK WHALES
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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