Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
