So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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