Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Farmville is her only friend.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
