If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
