It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
