Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
