That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
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i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
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He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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