my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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