he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
