spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
