I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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