Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
