thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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