I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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