I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
