like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
When are your genitals available?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
