Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I met the friendliest cop last night
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
