so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
