Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
