ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
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Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
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Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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