i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
