i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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