Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Randomize
