I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
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Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
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It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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