Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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