Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
