from now on my penis is your penis
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
