I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
