Already got asked if we're dating
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
