I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
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How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
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This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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