Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
