when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
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Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
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I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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