In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
