he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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