Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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