I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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