woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
you made out with another girl for some wings
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
