Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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