The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize