Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
