Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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