If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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