Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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