16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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